HELP! How Can I Manage Time As A PhD Student, A Wife and A Mother? T_T


Assalamualaikum,

Memang tidak mudah untuk belajar di peringkat PhD tetapi ramai saja yang sudah berjaya mengharunginya. PhD lebih rumit kerana ia sebuah perjuangan kajian yang lebih spesifik dan memerlukan penelitian yang tinggi, lebih-lebih lagi ia bersandarkan pada seorang pelajar saja, bukannya kerja berkumpulan. Tiada istilah; aku buat ini, kau buat yang tu, nanti dapat hasilnya, pandai-pandailah kita bentang sama-sama. Memang semua kena buat sendiri! Fuh, memang mencabar!

phd-student

Macam-macam orang kata pasal PhD ni. Permanent Head Damage lah, no life lah. Hehe~ Susah macam mana sekali pun, insya Allah ia akan memberi kepuasan kerana sedikit sebanyak ia merupakan usaha kita untuk menyumbangkan sesuatu pada dunia ilmu. Semoga Allah redha dan terima usaha kita ini sebagai ibadat. Amin.

Orang bujang pun rasa macam nak tertonggeng dek kerja banyak dalam proses PhD. Bagaimana pula dengan pelajar yang berstatus isteri…dan lebih gempak lagi, yang bergelar ibu? Nak menjaga anak kecil pun terasa macam tak cukup tangan dan tak cukup nafas, bagaimana pula nak buat PhD? Haaa…semput nafas.

Untuk mereka yang sedang belajar peringkat PhD, bolehlah ikut kumpulan sokongan di Facebook iaitu Doctorate Support Group.Secara khusunya, para ibu yang juga pelajar PhD, bolehlah mendapatkan motivasi dan berkongsi rasa/pendapat di kumpulan FB: Supermoms Doctorate Support Group.

Saya jadi buntu dan keliru kerana tidak tahu cara mengendalikan peranan sebagai seorang pelajar PhD, seorang isteri dan ibu. Maka saya pun meluahkan rasa di grup FB berkenaan.

Assalamualaikum and hi dear friends,

I am a full time PhD student in comparative literature (Arabic-Malay-Persian). Since I don’t have to be in a lab/office, I go to school twice a week for meetings with SV or searching for books in the library. I love to be at school because I will be more focused but I can’t afford to pay for childcare everyday. (20 pounds per day…T_T)

My question is..especially for PhD students who are also mommies, how do you manage your time? I feel so overwhelmed with all the tasks including housework (cleaning, cooking, etc), childcare (especially a toddler who is still nursing and constantly begging for attention) and studies? When and how do you read and make notes?

I hope for advice and motivation from dear friends. I want to be productive but…. It makes me feel helpless sometimes in balancing my time to be a good wife/mother and student. Feeling a bit down now but I want to start with a new passion for this new semester. Nevertheless, I am grateful and happy as I have already passed my proposal defense last June during my second semester. My dream is to conduct my research effectively, insya Allah. Please friends…can you share the tips and tricks? Thank you so much!

Waaaah, tak sangka ramai yang memberi perkongsian! Alhamdulillah, saya rasa sangat-sangat terharu dan berterima kasih. Di sini saya kongsikan pendapat orang lain. Semoga bermanfaat! ^_^

  • kalau increase the child care time eg stiap hari ke office tapi for half a day. or tiga/empat hari seminggu kat office. At least more time to focus.
  • I have five kids. At night look for children and wake up at 3 or 4 am and study .
  • alternate day for childcare but full day…eg Monday Wednesday n Friday 9-5. insyaAllah
  • I hv 2 small kids n 1 newborn baby. Alhamdulillah make use day time when they went to kinder. Plan and quickly cook for family. Get some help from husband to do house chores. Everyday bring back work but never finish bring back to the lab again the next day. Hehe.. If have time possible midnight you can squeeze some time for writing.
  • I have no advice. But Hoping you’ll find the best solution. Allah will reward you for the sacrifices. InsyaAllah. Same goes to the other supermom. Salute.
  • Be positive.. I hv my cheat day too. Bring smallnote book everywhere then can do some brain storming. And pray a lot to Allah may He ease our journy and jihad as student and wife and mother. Insyallah amen.
  • Saya ada 4 orang anak..yang kecil sama umur dengan saya buat PhD dah 2 tahun dan masih breast feed..seminggu 3 kali saja saya ke Uni..yang lain saya study di rumah..alhamdulillah Allah permudahkan segala urusan saya..bila anak2 ada saya tak akan buat kerja PhD melainkan bila mereka dah tidur..suami membantu serba sedikit dalam kerja rumah..syukur..sekarang tengah siapkan bab data analisis..insyaAllah saudari Firuz Akhtar pasti boleh lakukan!!! All the best ye.
  • Nak bagi pendapat pun rasa susah sebab diri sendiri pun menghadapi masalah yang sama bila anak ada depan mata. Kalau nak study ni, memang kena anak tgh tidur atau kena suh orang lain jaga and kita gi study kat tempat lain. Suami kena rajin tolong. Lagi satu, kena pandai save energy. Kita tak boleh buat semua benda satu masa. Kena save energy untuk buat revision waktu malam.
  • Saya selalu fikir mcm ni, kalau terpaksa korban masa study untuk anak, mohon Allah permudahkan urusan study lepas tu. And kalau terpaksa korbankan masa dengan anak untuk study, mohon Allah lindungi anak dan anak berkelakuan baik sepanjang saya tak ada. Doa seorang ibu mujarab and powerful. Huhuhu.
  • i have 2 kids..sy tidak sekuat/ sedisplin ibu2 yg boleh bangun 3am/4am utk buat thesis..so sy tumpukan kepada kelebihan sy yg lain..sy cuba work smart, mendeley, diagrahm utk fahamkan proses thesis sy dari awal hingga akhir ( knowledge sy dpt semasa jadi Research assistant,MasyaAllah sgt mmbantu)..and sy guna tips2 yg tahu sgt2 brkesan..contoh write/draw diagrahm one page one day…bila dgn anak2 sy tutup fikiran psl thesis..itu cara sy manage stress..kenal pasti kekuatan,kekurangan diri sndiri saudari..kami2 di sini hanya boleh mmberi nasihat.
  • Be strong my friend..our journey is far to reach its destination. Stay focused and determined..u will make it one day.
  • buat master, semester pertama, saya jaga anak sendiri tak hantar nursery langsung sebab tak cukup bajet. Memang sangat challenging tapi yang bagusnya, keadaan tersebut membuat saya sangat menghargai masa yang saya ada dan lebih berdisiplin. Masa untuk sy membaca journal articles or books dan membuat assignment hanyalah masa anak tengah tidur, masa suami dah balik kerja dan dia jaga anak masa malam, dan weekend yang mana suami lebih banyak menjaga anak. Buat jadual untuk membasuh baju, iron baju dan memasak. Pastikan anak ada tidur siang, jadi kita ada masa 1-2 jam untuk belajar. Pada waktu malam pun, anak tidurkan awal, jadi ada extra 1-2 hour untuk belajar. Tapi kita kena paham jugak, we can’t have it all. We cant be a perfect wife, a perfect mother and a perfect student, all at the same time. So, don’t be one. Kalau tak, boleh stress lerrr……
  • haah sy setuju. jgn lupa byk solat dhuha, tahajjud ..doa..akan dpt kemudahan dari Allah..MasyaAllah..InsyaAllah.
  • Yeap stuju.. Jgn aim for perfection. Nnt stress. Banyak doa. Kalau da terpaksa sacrifice jaga anak sakit atau anak meragam atau ajar anak belajar mohon Allah mudahkan urusan kita. Insyallah ada jalan.
  • Don’t worry sis.You can do it.Some are full time employees and part time student and moms also.cekalkan hati.doa byk2.husband must be fully supportive mental/physical.its not easy.for me,i study in the morning.around 2-4pm.if i am lucky my son sleeps early can do more.istilah weekends are out.that is study time.bwk anak jln2 skali2 skala.if tak ptg2 blk awal bwk gi park.any time is quality time.im in my 4th year.this sem nk submit dah.hrp nx year grad insyaAllah.you can do it:-)
  • I dont hv kids but im married. N there are chores tho tak sebanyak mommies what my hubby did was he got me a weekend maid that comes on weekend to clean (vacumming cuci toilet etc) do laundry n irons… So lega byk la.
  • Firuz Akhtar, I am a mother of 2, 4 and 5 of age, currently in my third year PhD, need to go lab or office everyday as I am doing in vitro analysis (cell culture etc etc), I am actively involve in Malaysian Society here, my other half is helping me a looooot, I think the key thing is to organise our 24 hours as optimum as we can, work with our husband as a team. It is challenging but can be done inshaAllah.
  • I am with you..I have 2 kids and working from home as well – nursery over here can go up to 50 pounds full day)..But Alhamdulillah now in my 3rd year walaupun in earlier stage rasa macam dah tak sanggup nak teruskan but i keep the positive vibes going..In my case, my SV is very supportive.Insyallah will try my best to complete my validation process and write up.
  • We’re the same!! A lot of advice here, Insyaallah u will find a way that suit you.. After three semester, I finally did my transfer, slow progress but I’ll get there.. my prayer was answered as my SV is very relaxed, not the pushy type (altho quite dangerous)..yes it’s a struggle but we’ll get there somehow insyaallah…
  • time is a luxury. use it efficiently and plan ahead. consider it a sense of urgency. act as if someone had a gun pointed to your head and was forcing you to write your literature review and methodology. you would be surprised how well this works.
  • You should have ur own deadlines for everything. That is how I work with my 2 kids. Once u have a deadline u have the enough pressure to work. I think the stress & pressure motivates people like us. Cheers!
  • I know it is very difficult to be a mother and also do your PhD. The good thing is that you have passed your Research Proposal (Congratulations for that) and therefore have a plan for your PhD. The main thing is to make small plans of your own each day and have some quiet time for a few hours a day (with no distraction). Perhaps getting up early in the morning – say 3am to have some dedicated solid time to study. Have an afternoon nap with your small kids so that you can be fresh again for the next day’s early morning session. I absolutely feel your pain … it is not easy.
  • Yea Sister Firuz. It’s not an easy path but we could always find means and ways to handle it.
  • Ibu yang kuat dan tabah melahirkan anak-anak yang kuat semangatnya. Pandai-pandailah bahagikan masa. All the best. Sentiasalah berdoa agar Allah permudahkan urusan kita dan Berjaya
  • involve in society here help me to know few sisters who interested to become babysitter for my kids, with affordable pay.
  • I also got prob like u.my bs jus quit.bgtau nk quit in 2 wk time.x smpt lg nk cr bs sbb my smaller daughter jns xnk org.so i dok rmh jg 2 org bdk.serius kdg2 rs overwhelm dgn house chores.ank2 lg.rs nk brenti ke.tp i da sem6 nk msk 7. So wat i do now bile dorg tdo i akn bt keje. Tp i rs plg efektif bile bgn kul3 pg n bt keje tp siang ms dorg tdo i pon tdo jgk dgn dorg. Gudluck.
  • Insha Allah May Allah ease your journey Ustazah Firuz Akhtar. Up and Down is normal as PhD or postgrad student. DOA, ISTIKHARAH & SOLAT are the most important weapon during our PhD journey. Hope to see and watch your program on TV/radio again in another few years from now, Insha Allah.
  • wslm wbt firuz…coincidently we meet here, actually we are in the same secondary school before..congratulations on ur research proposal defense, u had already knew d idea and have manage d background on ur study well..most of d woman here who furthering d study are also mom..being a mother, a wife and at d same time student is not easy, me also having 2 kids, still breastfeeding and phd student as well, no doubt on dat..coz we, who r also a mom feeling d same way too..what can we do to balance our life as a student and at d same time housewife: 1) plan ur day well, make a to do list everyday before u go to bed (list d most important first followed by the least important at the end), mark a date target for each important task u do (such a milestone)
  • 2) plan ur housechores and ask a support from ur husband, im pretty sure ur hubby are so supportive, d day dat u really need full attention to ur study, such as having a viva for next week, or sitting an exam, kindly ask a help from ur husband to take care of ur child or toddler for a while
  • 3) keep pray to god and the key important things in life is alwis do the best in every little things we do so that even though d result just a little, we have already done d best, and let Allah do the rest.
  • 4) dont be so stressful, dont be too hard on urself…why? becoz eventhough u r stress d outcome will also be d same, so just be happy and do all ur works no matter what it is just be calm, and i believe positife outcome will be happen in d end.
  • 5) using all the useful tools to maximize ur thesis writing in d smartest way, mendeley, end note, atlas ti, LR matrix, u name it, lot of courses can be found easily today, inshallah u will succeed..

we here will elwis pray for d success in study journey for everyone, dont ever give up, allah had already choose us, we are the chosen one

i believe there is elwis a hikmah for everything..even our child getting sick or cranky dont be so sad, we need to think allah giving a test for us and love us so much, in d end He will help us and make our life easier for our study later on..inshaallah be positive with allah..

All of us will success in our phd or master journey, ameen